Today's HOME Spun Wisdom

RISMEDIA, Aug. 23, 2005 — Want to become a great listener? Here are some great tips on how to help you achieve maximum listening potential:

Obstacles to listening:

It isn't enough to just hear what someone is saying. Mistakes on everything from work to personal relationships come from poor listening skills.

Think about what goes through your mind as you hear someone speak. Wondering what you will say next, how long will this take, what you are having for lunch are only a few of the distractions that pop into a person's head.

Focus

People are easily distracted by nature. Develop the habit of “catching” yourself when your thoughts wander. This will require discipline, attention and practice. Create an environment with fewer distractions. Move physically to an isolated or private spot.

Focus and concentration aren't the only issues. Our natural impulse is to filter information through our own experiences. This is a big problem!

No two people possess identical perspectives. Therefore, all information is subject to interpretation. These biases can be the foundation for minor communication problems or larger social issues.

Additionally, sometimes you might hear something that turns you off, stops you from maintaining your interest in the conversation. This happens all the time. Unfortunately, if you stop listening, you might miss interesting information or common ground that you were unaware of.

Stop talking

The primary obstacle to listening is TALKING! If you interrupt, ramble on, or dominate a social interaction you will disrupt any chance of really knowing what is on someone's mind. It doesn't take long for someone to disengage from a conversation if they aren't allowed to express themselves.

Listening strategies:

Great listening skills need to be developed. You will need to make a commitment to learn how to become a great listener, it doesn't happen by accident.

Keep an open mind

Even the world's most successful people can learn something from everyone. Recognize that your reference points are biased by nature. Gain new reference points from the eyes of others.

Ask questions

Most people struggle to provide information in a clear concise manner. They may have valuable information and need a little help delivering it.

Use questions to help clarify statements. Keep asking for a better explanation or more information. Don't be afraid to use non-verbal questioning as someone is speaking. In other words, look “puzzled” or hesitant while they are speaking and more often than not they will respond with better clarification.

Provide feedback

When a person is done speaking, summarize the important points as you heard them. This process will help to gain agreement and most importantly help to identify any disconnects. So often, two people will come away from a conversation after hearing the same words with a completely different interpretation of the conversation. The simple process of re-stating key points is critical.

Observe/watch

Use your intuition and senses to assess the situation better. Body language is as important as the spoken word in communication. If the words are inconsistent with the expression on their face or their posture you may have a problem! Use body language to help determine the “true” status of the conversation.